oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
