All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
