youre lurking in front of me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
