whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
