Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Will exercising make me less horny?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
