Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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