I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
