I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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