my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
