now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
