Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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