Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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