If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
