He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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