You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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