who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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