Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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