Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
