laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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