We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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