Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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