It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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