Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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