You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
