I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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