So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
