Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
