I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
