Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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