I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
