does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize