I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
