Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
