Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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