I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
