This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
