My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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