just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
