There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
