get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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