god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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