Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
