There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
