i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
