Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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