A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
