Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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