I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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