hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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