I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
