saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize