What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
