Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
