So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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