gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize