I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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