My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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