So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
