nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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