His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
