Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
