first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
