you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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