I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
