I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
